Fantastic Mr. Fox

Written by Roald Dahl, Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach

1.

Fox

What'd the doctor say?

Mrs. Fox

Nothing. Supposedly, it's just a twenty-four hour bug. He gave me some pills.

Fox

reassuringly

I told you. You probably just ate some bad gristle.

Fox

Should we take the short cut or the scenic route?

Mrs. Fox

Let's take the short cut.

Fox

But the scenic route is so much prettier.

Mrs. Fox

shrugs

OK, let's take the scenic route.

Fox

Great. It's actually slightly quicker, anyway.

2.

Mrs. Fox

What is a squab?

Fox

You know what a squab is. It's like a pigeon, I suppose. Anyway, it's a type of bird we can eat.

Fox motions toward the edge of the property.

Fox

Should we go through the hole under the horse fence or climb the rail over the bridle path?

Mrs. Fox

Well, I guess the horse fence would be a little safer.

Fox

But the bridle path puts us out right next to the squab shack.

Fox

What's wrong? I've never seen you like this. You're acting all skittish. Don't worry. I've been stealing birds for a living since before I could trot.

Mrs. Fox

shrugs

OK, let's take the —

Fox

No, we'll do the horse fence. You gave me the scenic route already.

Fox

By the way, you look unbelievably beautiful tonight. You're practically glowing. Maybe it's the lighting.

3.

Fox

What's that? I think that's a fox-trap! Look at this.

Mrs. Fox

Get away from there.

Fox

Is it spring-loaded? Yeah...

pointing to different spots

I guess if you come from over there, and you're standing at the door to the squab shack, this little gadget probably triggers the —

gesturing to Mrs. Fox

Move out of the way, darling. That's right where it's going to land.

Mrs. Fox

Come on! Stop it! Let's go!

4.

Fox

No, it just falls straight down right here, doesn't it? I guess it's not spring-loaded.

quietly: Mrs. Fox

I'm pregnant.

Fox

Wow. We're going to have a cub. Honey, that's great news!

Mrs. Fox

If we're still alive tomorrow morning, I want you to find another line of work.

Pause. Fox nods.

5.

Fox

Does anybody actually read my column? Do your friends ever talk about it?

Mrs. Fox

still stirring

Of course. In fact, Rabbit's ex-girlfriend just said to me last week, "I should read Foxy's column," but they don't get the Gazette.

yelling into the next room

Ash! Let's get cracking!

Fox

Why would they? It's a rag-sheet.

sighs

I want to say I hate my job, but that would make it seem more important to me than I want people to think it is.

Ash

I'm sick.

Mrs. Fox

You're not sick.

Ash

I have a temperature. Mrs. Fox goes quickly over to Ash and puts her paw to his forehead.

Mrs. Fox

You don't have a temperature.

Ash

I don't want to go.