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Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
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It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
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I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
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Pretty specific pitch, Summer.
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I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, low-stakes-ass world that is high school.
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But here's my reverse ask.
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And how dare you even ask me that?
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And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?
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Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty.
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Me sleeping on these linens is the favor.
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I mean, wha wha what are we vindicating? Comfort?
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We don't have to do anything, Morty. This is just a structural guide.
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We're obviously gonna impart our own style.
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Shut up, Morty. You're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to f***ing YouTube.
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I'll be the judge of when we get too meta.
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I just didn't know it would be like this.
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What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable? Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
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It's what defines our species.
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Morty, you gotta turn into a car.
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A long time ago, I implanted you with a subdermal chip that could call upon dormant nanobots in your bloodstream
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to restructure your anatomy and turn you into a car.
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Nobody gets it. Nothing you think matters, matters.
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This isn't special. This is happening infinite times across infinite realities.
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Yes!
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Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all.
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Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.
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Mr. President, It's honestly all Morty's fault, but in the meantime,
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you really want to keep
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your amy of pointlessly camouflaged Eagle Scouts off my.
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it's lost all meaning, Mr. P.
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It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist?
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It's a guy you don't like. Big deal.
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It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar, but I'll tell you something tell you how I feel about school Jerry
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Because if we can kill our enemies but we can't jack them off, then how are we better than them?
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I'm the Rick.
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I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.
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It's your house, it's your world, you're a real Julius Caesar.
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But I'll tell you ho ho how I feel about school, Jerry.
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It's a waste of time.
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Bunch of people running around, bumping into each other.
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Guy up front says two plus two, people in the back say four.
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Then the bell rings, they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper
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that says you can go take a dump or something.
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I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.
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I know that's not a popular opinion.
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That's my two cents on the issue.
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And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it,
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but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake
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with syrup on top.
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And I think we also like to be accused of crimes
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when there's evidence.
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So as they say in Canada, peace-oot.
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What?
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Hospital claims to have the best doctor
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It's like those pizza places that claim
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to have the best pizza in the world.
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What do you think, they have pizza contests?
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Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
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Fine.
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Pack your shit.
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That's only going to keep them down for a little bit, Morty.
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We got a good five minutes before they're backing up on our ass, Morty.
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We have to pack up and move to a new reality, Morty.
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You know, I said we can only do that a couple of times.
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Now help me with these bodies.
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Look, Morty, I'll grab myself.
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You grab yourself, okay?
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I mean, that seems fair to me.
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I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.
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What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
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Because we're afraid to die alone?
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Because you know, that's exactly how we all die.
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Alone.
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You've always sucked.
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You know why we haven't fought in years?
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Because you're an embarrassment to me,
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and I don't need you anymore.
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I don't need anybody.
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Top it off.
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Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
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And you added it to my portal fluid?
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Oh, that's great logic, Morty.
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Forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture
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and I don't want to teleport my lips.
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I won't take your word for that, and I shouldn't have to,
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which is why I have sidekick rules.
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If you can't follow them...
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Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff?
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Have you ever seen me bluff?
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I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle.
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When I feel like it. So, you asked.
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