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- clip_0000.wav|Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
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- clip_0001.wav|It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
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- clip_0002.wav|I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
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- clip_0003.wav|Pretty specific pitch, Summer.
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- clip_0004.wav|I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, low-stakes-ass world that is high school.
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- clip_0005.wav|But here's my reverse ask.
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- clip_0006.wav|And how dare you even ask me that?
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- clip_0007.wav|And why aren't you more ashamed of yourself?
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- clip_0008.wav|Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty.
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- clip_0009.wav|Me sleeping on these linens is the favor.
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- clip_0010.wav|I mean, wha wha what are we vindicating? Comfort?
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- clip_0011.wav|We don't have to do anything, Morty. This is just a structural guide.
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- clip_0012.wav|We're obviously gonna impart our own style.
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- clip_0013.wav|Shut up, Morty. You're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to f***ing YouTube.
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- clip_0014.wav|I'll be the judge of when we get too meta.
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- clip_0015.wav|I just didn't know it would be like this.
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- clip_0016.wav|What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable? Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
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- clip_0017.wav|It's what defines our species.
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- clip_0018.wav|Morty, you gotta turn into a car.
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- clip_0019.wav|A long time ago, I implanted you with a subdermal chip that could call upon dormant nanobots in your bloodstream
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- clip_0020.wav|to restructure your anatomy and turn you into a car.
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- clip_0021.wav|Nobody gets it. Nothing you think matters, matters.
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- clip_0022.wav|This isn't special. This is happening infinite times across infinite realities.
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- clip_0023.wav|Yes!
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- clip_0024.wav|Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all.
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- clip_0025.wav|Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.
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- clip_0026.wav|Mr. President, It's honestly all Morty's fault, but in the meantime,
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- clip_0027.wav|you really want to keep
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- clip_0028.wav|your amy of pointlessly camouflaged Eagle Scouts off my.
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- clip_0029.wav|it's lost all meaning, Mr. P.
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- clip_0030.wav|It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist?
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- clip_0031.wav|It's a guy you don't like. Big deal.
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- clip_0032.wav|It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar, but I'll tell you something tell you how I feel about school Jerry
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- clip_0033.wav|Because if we can kill our enemies but we can't jack them off, then how are we better than them?
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- clip_0034.wav|I'm the Rick.
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- clip_0035.wav|I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.
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- clip_0036.wav|It's your house, it's your world, you're a real Julius Caesar.
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- clip_0037.wav|But I'll tell you ho ho how I feel about school, Jerry.
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- clip_0038.wav|It's a waste of time.
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- clip_0039.wav|Bunch of people running around, bumping into each other.
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- clip_0040.wav|Guy up front says two plus two, people in the back say four.
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- clip_0041.wav|Then the bell rings, they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper
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- clip_0042.wav|that says you can go take a dump or something.
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- clip_0043.wav|I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.
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- clip_0044.wav|I know that's not a popular opinion.
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- clip_0045.wav|That's my two cents on the issue.
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- clip_0046.wav|And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it,
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- clip_0047.wav|but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake
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- clip_0048.wav|with syrup on top.
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- clip_0049.wav|And I think we also like to be accused of crimes
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- clip_0050.wav|when there's evidence.
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- clip_0051.wav|So as they say in Canada, peace-oot.
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- clip_0052.wav|What?
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- clip_0053.wav|Hospital claims to have the best doctor
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- clip_0054.wav|It's like those pizza places that claim
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- clip_0055.wav|to have the best pizza in the world.
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- clip_0056.wav|What do you think, they have pizza contests?
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- clip_0057.wav|Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
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- clip_0058.wav|Fine.
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- clip_0059.wav|Pack your shit.
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- clip_0060.wav|That's only going to keep them down for a little bit, Morty.
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- clip_0061.wav|We got a good five minutes before they're backing up on our ass, Morty.
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- clip_0062.wav|We have to pack up and move to a new reality, Morty.
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- clip_0063.wav|You know, I said we can only do that a couple of times.
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- clip_0064.wav|Now help me with these bodies.
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- clip_0065.wav|Look, Morty, I'll grab myself.
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- clip_0066.wav|You grab yourself, okay?
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- clip_0067.wav|I mean, that seems fair to me.
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- clip_0068.wav|I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.
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- clip_0069.wav|What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
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- clip_0070.wav|Because we're afraid to die alone?
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- clip_0071.wav|Because you know, that's exactly how we all die.
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- clip_0072.wav|Alone.
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- clip_0073.wav|You've always sucked.
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- clip_0074.wav|You know why we haven't fought in years?
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- clip_0075.wav|Because you're an embarrassment to me,
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- clip_0076.wav|and I don't need you anymore.
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- clip_0077.wav|I don't need anybody.
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- clip_0078.wav|Top it off.
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- clip_0079.wav|Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
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- clip_0080.wav|And you added it to my portal fluid?
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- clip_0081.wav|Oh, that's great logic, Morty.
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- clip_0082.wav|Forgive me for not doing the kissy chef gesture
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- clip_0083.wav|and I don't want to teleport my lips.
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- clip_0084.wav|I won't take your word for that, and I shouldn't have to,
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- clip_0085.wav|which is why I have sidekick rules.
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- clip_0086.wav|If you can't follow them...
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- clip_0087.wav|Excuse me? Did you just try to call my bluff?
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- clip_0088.wav|Have you ever seen me bluff?
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- clip_0089.wav|I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle.
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- clip_0090.wav|When I feel like it. So, you asked.